gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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