I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
