so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
