whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
