After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
