I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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