I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
