the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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