Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
