My sheets look like a crime scene.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
