Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
