So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
