fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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