the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
