I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
