and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
