I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
