if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
