sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
