Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Don't make out with my wife yet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
