Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
