Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
