Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
