Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
