I was born with a shot glass in my hand
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
