mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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