He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
