I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Moan for me like Helen Keller
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
