I CAN MOONWALK!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
