If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
