My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
