I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
