that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
