someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
