He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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