i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
