I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
