One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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