I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
