If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
