She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
