We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
