i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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