It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
