I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
