I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
