Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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