The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
its not stalking. its research.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
