Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
