If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
