I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
