He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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