You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
